The belly stare and the mortification impulse

I walked into my internship yesterday morning and my supervisor exclaimed "you've popped!" Indeed, even though I posted about it a few weeks ago, it still felt like the genuine emergence of my "bump" happened overnight. A few weeks ago I could feel it and sorta see it but if I sucked my stomach in its presence was negotiable; now I can't not feel it and if I suck my stomach in, well, very little happens. (I will take and email photos soon; let me know if you'd like to be on that list.) It's not that it's huge; it's just that it's there.

While it's obvious to me what's going on, I'm starting to get the first onslaught of the "is she or isn't she?" stares. Well, that's not entirely accurate because the first onslaught has been by people who know I'm pregnant, so they're really "is it or isn't it showing?" stares. Women are used to being stared at for a variety of reasons, and I'm no exception, but I have to say the new locale for the stares is taking some adjustment. Women are also trained to be very, very sensitive to perceptions of our weight and if I were not pregnant and caught three or four people trying to discretely stare at my belly despite wide eyes and furrowed brows, I'd be mortified. That mortification impulse is still present with the pregnancy belly, like it or not, and has to be grappled with despite the fact that there's no reason to be even slightly embarrassed about one's belly size. (A note here that really -- really -- no one should be made to be embarrassed about their belly size, no matter its cause, by society or anyone, but let's face it, it happens pervasively.) Having a belly has called into high relief how much I do have that mortification impulse despite my beliefs that no one should have it; just another facet of day to day living of which pregnancy has made me hyper-aware.

What are the other things? How accustomed I'd grown to ignoring hunger and bathroom urges for the sake of convenience, for one. Training myself to eat when I'm hungry -- the moment I'm hungry -- and to use the facilities when I first have even the faintest awareness that I have to go -- has been just that, training. Then there's the infrequency with which I was paying attention to vegetables and protein amounts in my diet until now. There's the absolutely cerebral way I operated before pregnancy, rarely paying attention to the nuances of my physical existence like I do now. I have never before inhabited my body the way I so completely do now.

And lastly, there's the omnipresence of Easter candy in the world -- is Easter over yet? Please?