2 months and great developments

First, look at this photo and tell me you can actually resist the urge to laugh:
Why yes, I did carve a pumpkin with the face of a crying baby -- it is the most horrifying thing I could think of and I did happen to know what Marian's Halloween costume would be!
Second, the stuffing in the costume aside, that is an 11lb2oz baby in that there pumpkin, and it is true that 11lbs is the magic number -- for the last 4 nights Marian has slept between 7-9 hours, awaking to two very happy parents. Her dad has the magic touch for getting her to sleep so long, so he puts her to bed every night and we alternate who will get up with her. She's also starting to eat more in a sitting, bumping up from 4oz to 6oz of formula or so. She continues to be so very active -- trying to climb, crawl and fly at times.

She also continues to get cuter and cuter:
she smiles readily, easily, and without coaxing, and if you rub her belly and smile at her you're almost guaranteed to get one back. She's started to recognize voices and faces and has learned to turn her head toward them, thus leading to a heart-melting scenario of her turning to look at you, taking a moment to register your face, and then bursting into a happy smile. It's impossible not to smile back. The other day she squealed from happiness for the first time too, and I'm looking so forward to hearing her first laugh. In the meantime she regales us with coos, squeaks, grunts, shrieks and ahs.
We have switched her to cloth diapers during the day and so far they are working out really well. We had a couple leaks the first few times we used them but learned to button the legs a little tighter and haven't had a problem since. It feels very gratifying to be saving the money and the landfill space by using "Fuzzibunz," and since they have multiple snaps they're easy to use and will grow with her right up through potty training.
Life with Marian continues to fly by, and each week seems to bring new excitement and new achievements...stay tuned!

One month down...hundreds to go!

9/23/10 marked Marian's one month anniversary. It did go by quickly, but only in retrospect!
We marked the day by taking her to the pediatrician, poor dear -- fortunately she's not due for immunizations until her two-month. Instead, we found out that she's 9lbs3oz, and we learned how to put her on a sleep schedule. Basically, we put her down at 8pm every night, awake or not, and we wait out her crying, and she falls asleep. The longest she's cried is about 45 minutes -- the MD said we can check on her every 15 to make sure nothing's wrong, but we have to wait 2 hours before we can soothe her. We've never had to do that -- her average crying jag is 15 minutes and then she crashes out. When she wakes up again, we feed her, change her, and put her right back down, preferably awake. In this way she learns to self-soothe. The idea is that eventually as her sleep cycles end and she wakes up, she'll learn to just go right back to sleep without needing us to intervene.
Her longest sleeping jag has been 4.5 hours, but the average is more like 3. Lately it's even shorter -- she hit the 6 week mark and is experiencing a growth spurt (apparently 6 weeks is a common time for a growth spurt) and she becomes hungry within practically an hour and a half of being fed, when as I said it used to be more like three. We're starting to feed her more per sitting to see if we can satisfy her. So far we can't seem to stuff her for long. But the book says these "cluster feedings" last a couple days and then chill out, so hopefully that will be the case. Steve and I are still alternating nights for who gets up to feed and change her, so each of us is getting mostly-consistent sleep every other night.
This Wednesday I'll have my 6 week postpartum check up to see how I've been doing. I'm hopeful that everything will be fine and I can exercise again -- I really miss it. And I really need my ab muscles back (what there was of them) because my back is compensating and getting achy. Marian's 9 pounds can feel much heavier after a long enough time holding her. Holding her though, no matter what, is such a sweet feeling.
For most of her life during her calm and awake states she will go through a repertoire of mouth movements and gestures that make it look like she's trying to orate. She's becoming more diverse in her vocal range as well -- "ahs" and "icks" and grumbles and squeaks and squeals and sighs. Those who meet her and know babies almost always describe her as alert, but she's upped the ante for the last few weeks: she's been in nearly constant movement when I sit holding her against me on her belly. It's like she's trying to mountain climb: her legs are kicking, her hands are grasping, she's looking up over my shoulder like the horizon is right there, calling to her.
Get used to that, kiddo -- it really is.

a new formula for success

Well, I tried to coax Marian back into nursing but she wasn't having it. Unfortunately bottle nipples are much easier for babies to draw sustenance from than the real thing, and she was not interested in going back to doing it the hard way. So I adjusted by pumping so I could still feed her breast milk, but that made my supply decline, because the pump is not as stimulating to milk production as the baby herself. So I called the office again to report my low volume and they said to supplement with formula if she'd take it; boy did she ever. When we went in today for our 2 week well baby visit, our pediatrician told me I should just go with formula and save myself the trouble. I've been a little heart sore that she lost all interest in nursing, since she used to obviously take so much pleasure from it; the contrast between the first week and the second has been making me sad. But supplementing with formula has made our lives so much easier -- Steve was able to watch her through the night for the first time and he thus allowed me the first 9 hour stretch of sleep I've had since before I went into labor. Last night, I did the same for him. Now we can alternate nights so we each get some decent rest every other night, and it does wonders for us. At a lunch gathering today a colleague who met us for the first time said that as new parents "we both seemed so calm." I took that as a huge compliment.
With the supplementing of the last week, Marian jumped in weight -- she's now 8lbs even! The assistant at the pediatrician's office actually double-checked if the scale was calibrated properly, and indeed it was. (Marian took that moment to pee on Steve; she's pretty mischievous that way.) She's in the 75th percentile for height and cranial circumference and the 50th for weight, which Steve noted makes her "just like her mom." I'll take that as a compliment as well.
Marian has turned out -- knock on wood, no jinxies -- to be such a good baby. The occasional bout with gas makes her cry, but most of the time she's snoozing, or awake and looking at the world with quiet wonder, or eating...she's healthy and happy and adorable. We are feeling very lucky.

Into the fray...

...a.k.a. you mean, we don't get to take the hospital staff home with us??

Not surprisingly, I've been bad about updating the blog. We are busy, and happy, and tired, and adjusting. On top of our new daughter,I've had work orientations all this week and we are coming up on the school year starting and thus the ability to get started on an actual, lasting routine for the first time since Steve started his Wyoming job back in April. Whew!
Things with Marian have been good, and challenging, and hysterical, and scary. For example, the first few days of figuring out breast-feeding were hard, but suddenly she was latching like a pro. At her second well-baby visit on Tuesday she'd gained back all the weight she'd lost since birth, which was very exciting. And then last night all of a sudden she would latch, let go, latch, let go, latch, let go, never fully glomming on and getting a full meal. We finally called the pediatrician's office this afternoon, after I became a wreck from being totally disturbed by her abstinence and my mom swooping in with suggestions and support and Steve working to keep me sane. Turns out the MD thinks she has a problem with dairy in my diet and must have just last night got fed up with the tummy turmoil and thus wouldn't really eat. She slurped down pedialyte like it was mana from heaven at the doctor's office and was not running a temp, so we don't have to worry about her being sick or having something major. So as the dairy passes out of my system over the next few hours, she'll enjoy some more pedialyte and then we'll try again later tonight. It was our first real trial and our first immense relief; one of many I'm sure.
When I first held her over those couple days in the hospital, I could NOT believe this beautiful little infant was ever inside me, the same way as I was going through labor I could not comprehend how there was ever going to be a baby at the end of the process. My pregnancy and Marian's existence seem somehow disconnected, and I can see how the stork legend came into play; it seems somehow more believable that a wild animal dropped her in my lap!
As a social worker I've been prepared for baby blues, keeping an eye on my hormones and ready to be a little weepy and down if it happened. So far, aside from my fears this morning, I've only felt joy, adoration, and pride. She's been allowing me about 6 hours of sleep total per night and I'm counting that as pretty lucky; Steve is able to get a little more since he doesn't have to feed her, but he's been great about taking shifts of simply watching her in between feedings to make sure I get actual time in bed without my maternal-baby-sounds-radar going full tilt.
Holding her when she's full and happy and awake and taking in the world around her is the best thing in the entire world. That and her smell. All the baby books mentioned the smell and I thought it was schlock, but it really and truly is unique and intoxicating.
That's about where things stand today, on Day 9. Each week she attains in her life feels like a small triumph and another step toward new and different and exciting developments.
Given the ramping up of my job and our continued adjustment to the baby, I know blog updates will likely be more infrequent than anyone might like, but it comes with the territory. I'll do my best to check in when I can.

the labor and delivery of a little oak sapling

As most of you know by now, Miss Marian Saranne Chesney-House has made her appearance in the world!
When last we left you, I was pretty despondent over the lack of dilation after a full night of contractions. After an afternoon of napping that was mostly contraction-free, the contractions started up again that evening. I was not at all graceful about it -- cursing in my head for the entire night as they came, painful but irregular, allowing me to sleep for at most 10 minutes at a time, and sometimes only 4 minutes apart. This continued all...night...long...
By 8am or so on Monday morning I made myself some oatmeal, sat down to eat it, had a contraction that stopped me just as I was putting the spoon to my mouth, preventing me from fulfilling yet another basic human need, and burst into tears. I was FED up, and Steve, who had slept through the night in the other room, came running, concern on his face. We called the OB office to schedule a non-stress test as requested by the midwife from the day before (to check on how the baby was doing during all these contractions) and I was fully prepared to demand that they induce me right then and there, because I could not take another two nights of these useless, unproductive, but sleep-defying and totally painful contractions before the scheduled inducement on Wednesday. We got there at 10am and met with Lesley, one of the midwives, and found that Acorn was doing just fine. Since I was there, Lesley decided to check me out too.
She looked at me, and said, "Elise." And then the happiest words in the English language: "The baby has fully dropped, you're at 5cm and 100% effaced!" (She also said that she was astonished I was at 5cm and still walking and talking. Apparently I'm a little tougher than I thought I was, given my despair.)
She actually offered to let us go home and wait it out another couple hours, or we could go ahead and admit to the hospital and break my water to move things along.
You can guess what I chose!
They had us in in no time -- all our bags were still in the car from the day before so we didn't need to go back and get anything -- and got me started on an IV right away, since I needed a full bag's worth of hydration before I could get an epidural. I had planned to see how much of the labor I could tough out -- to see if I could go totally natural -- but after two sleepless nights of contractions I decided to opt for the epidural if only to be able to relax for the first time in 48 hours and have the energy for the rest of the labor. The epidural was an incredibly weird feeling -- not often that you have something go POP! in your spine and think "oh thank god" -- but it was perfectly measured out so that I could still wiggle my toes and bend my knees and feel just enough pressure to be able to push. By the time the epidural was in and working and Lesley came by to break the amniotic sac, I was already at 10cm. So that painful dress rehearsal on Saturday night and Sunday morning was worth something -- it made my body incredibly efficient during the actual labor.
I ended up pushing for 2.5 hours or so. The epidural made this a pleasant experience and one I could manage with some stamina. Each time I had a contraction -- about every 3 minutes -- Steve and our delivery nurse, Enza, would lift my legs into a squat position, and I would curl forward and push as hard as I could 3 times in a row for 10 seconds each. In between, we chatted with Enza about her own (grown) kids, about their career choices and parental influence and college majors, like we were meeting over a cup of coffee with a long time friend. It was kind of funny in retrospect, but also kind of a lovely experience.
Finally Acorn's head was visible, and Lesley came back for the final pushes. I could feel pretty well -- not the pain, but the positioning and pressure -- so it didn't take much longer before Marian came out into the world at 4:29pm on 8/23/10, purple and slimy and quick to squall and then relax. She pinked up right away and got an apgar of 9 or so (apgar just indicates the baby's color, reflexes, and general health at the time of birth and then again 5 minutes afterward, and is on a scale of 1-10 where 10 is perfect).
She is absolutely beautiful, and born on her dad's chosen date for the baby lottery as well as being the gender he'd guessed all along, clearly already daddy's little girl.
Some of you wondered how Steve handled it -- he was a total champ. We both were so delighted by the news that I was at 5cm that we got a ton of emotional momentum back. He stroked my head through the final contractions I could feel before the epidural, helped coach me through the breathing during the pushing, kept me laughing, and was exactly the kind of support I needed at every given moment. He also got to cut the umbilical cord and held Marian for a long time while they finished up with me (I had one small tear but am otherwise fine).
I wanted to get this story out for those of you who were curious, but as we speak Miss Marian is looking a little hungry -- more to follow about the reality (and surreality) of the first 48 hours of her life!

Jinxed

Well, we got the okay to head to the hospital, got all signed in and hooked up to the monitors, and got ready for the big event -- only to discover that I hadn't dilated. At all. Not even a little bit since the 1.5cm last noted on Wednesday. They gave me the option to walk around for an hour and check again, which I did -- nothing.
I can't convey how incredibly frustrating it is to go through some seriously painful contractions -- not the worst I'll feel, but still, much more than a nuisance -- for hours on end, with maybe 3 hours of sleep last night, only to find out that they were literally doing nothing but causing me pain.
So after around four hours at the hospital, we were discharged with instructions to call if the contractions got much stronger, much shorter in interval, or if my water broke or other unequivocal symptoms happened. Also to hydrate as much as possible. We've been home for probably an hour and I've had maybe two contractions since then.
It's looking like we might be checking in on Wednesday night for that induction after all, although the discharge nurse was sweet and said she was sure we'd back sooner than that, that a woman next door was sent home at 1cm and had just come back 4-5cms. How nice for her!
So to anyone who was holding their breath after the latest two entries, sorry, but it's time to breathe again. I'll probably be a bit more cautious about updating until we have concrete evidence that this kid is actually planning on showing up.

still at home

Hi there: I called the answering service and one of the midwives called me back. She told me that because I could talk through the contractions that told her I wasn't as far into labor as I'd thought, so she recommended I wait another hour, take a long shower, and walk it off. True to form, the contractions slowed, and I figured if I could I should try to get some sleep. So I've been sleeping (mostly) rather than at the hospital since last I posted.
The contractions that I'm getting now? I haven't been timing them but they are WAY more painful when they do come. I can see how eventually they are going to take my breath away to the point where I can't speak when they occur.
As for phone calls, don't expect them at any moment this morning as I'd previously implied. This is shaping up to be a very long day. But rest assured, you will be called when Acorn arrives, and like me, you'll have to be patient until then!

in labor

I woke up this morning (meaning Saturday, 8/21) with mild contractions. I spent the day with phases of consistently-happening-but-irregularly-timed contractions and interludes where I'd get maybe one or two and hour. At about 9:30pm they resumed consistency with irregularity and escalated in pain, but by 11pm they began to be relatively consistent -- and as of right now, they are less than 5 minutes apart and have been so for about 45 minutes. Another 15 minutes and we've hit the threshold to call the OB office and alert the doc, and then head to the hospital. Technically you're supposed to call when they're 5 minutes apart, 1 minute long each, and have occurred for at least 1 hour. Since I'm actually averaging more like 3-4 minutes apart in the second part of this hour, I may have already passed that threshold, so maybe I'll call now.
*Not* looking forward to the car ride.
In any case, this is probably my last update as a pregnant woman. If you're reading this blog entry on Sunday morning of 8/22 and you haven't received a phone call yet, expect one soon!
Wish us luck!

T minus one week and one day

Had my final OB office visit today...that's right, final. We talked about our options and Dr. H recommended that we not go too far over one week past the due date (which was yesterday), so we picked a date. On the evening of August 25th we'll check into the hospital and they'll apply a cervical softener overnight, which in and of itself sometimes induces labor; on the 26th, if nothing's still happening, we'll use the pitocin and go ahead and have a baby. (Thus no more office visits.) He suggested that date as Lesley, one of the midwives, will be on the ward that day and can spend one on one time with us.
This is, of course, if Acorn decides not to make his/her appearance sooner. This week I was 1.5 cm dilated and 50-60% effaced according to Dr. H. The dilation may be subjective (since I see a different person each week, Sue's 1cm last week could be the same as Dr. H's 1.5cm this week) although the effacement appears to be a significant change from last week. When he checked, he could also feel the baby's head, which means the rather squeamishly-named "mucous plug" disappeared at some point without me noticing. Again, the slight dilation, effacement, and loss of the plug don't necessarily mean I can expect labor to happen right away, but they are all signs that my body is thinking about it, along with the somewhat regular Braxton-Hicks contractions I've been getting this past week.
I am still hopeful that this will happen the natural way -- I don't love the idea of being induced, although Dr. H reassures me that while it makes the earlier stages of labor happen faster, it's not more painful. We'll see about that!
Send some momentum vibes our way this week!

Another interesting date...

It just occurred to me that this Friday is the 13th, and I was thinking, if this baby takes after its dad (he loves horror movies) or somehow absorbed the info that our favorite bar in San Francisco was called "Lucky 13," maybe we'll see some action then?
"Jason Voorhees Chesney/House" has a nice ring to it, no?

"Pregatory"

Today I met the final mid-wife at the practice, meaning I've now met all of the staff who might show up on labor day. And this mid-wife, Sue, informed me that I am 1cm dilated. While it's nice to hear that something is happening, there are many tales of people walking around 1-2cm dilated for weeks, so I'm not allowing myself to get anxious or excited.
I was not, however, surprised to hear of the change. Yesterday I had about 1/2 hour of Braxton-Hicks contractions (essentially translating to "practice cramps") that I was able to relieve by lying down and hydrating (which is one of the ways one knows they're not the real thing -- they go away). They felt a little different from the belly-tightening I've felt before but were not painful, and I thought to myself "I bet when I go to the OB I will have dilated a little bit." Pure supposition on my part, and yet, lo and behold!
By Sue's estimation, since I'm not really effacing and only dilated a tiny bit, I will probably make my Wednesday appointment next week without having gone into labor, at which point we will start to talk about how long we'll wait past my due date, inducing labor, etc. Still, I think I'm finally going to pack that hospital bag and get the car-seat set up. We have a waterproof liner on my side of the mattress and we wrapped up the rest of our registry shopping on Sunday, so we're just about ready in terms of practical preparations.
Mental preparations, however, are still in progress. Steve and I chatted a bit and both agreed that however we feel about having a baby in our lives, we are good and ready for it to come just so we can start adapting to it already. This waiting around stuff is pregatory (= pregnancy + purgatory, in case that's not obvious). Once baby comes, we can adapt to it with hopefully just enough time to adapt to all of the girls returning to school in early September and my job starting, and then...finally...routine. After a summer-long period of transition after transition, it's hard to imagine a routine again!
But I digress. One centimeter, people. With the actual speed of the events to follow still unknown, at least we can say, "it has begun."

Gender fun, redux

Last night I had my first really vivid dream about the baby, and it was once again a boy. It looked normal and healthy and I recall noting it had eye color like mine, only a lighter, more aqua color.
The midwife today asked me what I thought it was and I mentioned the dream, and she said she thought it was a boy too. I told her lots of people said that because of how I was carrying it, but she said she thinks dreams are even better indicators.
Do with that information what you will. :)

All quiet on the Southern Front

Met with midwife #2 today, a woman named Sara who I'd also be happy to have show up in the delivery room. I measured the same weight and centimeters; my belly and baby growth seems to enjoy an echelon style of giant leaps rather than the old slow and steady method. Sara reported that there's nothing new in indications-of-oncoming-labor town; the shop is still closed up and quiet. The midwife said I could take evening primrose oil supplements and that those supposedly help loosen things up (but only if they were on the verge of loosening up anyway) but I'm feeling kind of que sera sera about it. On the one hand, am I about ready to meet this baby and have my body back to being a one-horse town again? Yes. On the other, am I ready for the huge major enormous monstrous life change of delivery and having a baby? Not sure that anyone can really be ready for that. So let the little one make its own decision about when to emerge without prompting from me, and I'll be ready when it tells me to be.
Another interesting note -- I mentioned that they had not yet re-tested me regarding my previous low iron count results, so Sara looked back through the notes and surprised me by saying my iron count had actually been pretty darn normal for a pregnant woman, just a little low for a non-pregnant woman. She said she wouldn't have bothered to put me on iron in the first place, although it doesn't hurt. So we're not going to bother with the retest after all. Maybe the CO doctor's concern was an altitude thing?
I have had one annoying symptom to speak of this last week or so -- Symphysis pubis dysfunction, or SPD. The name is a pretty fancy way of saying 'pelvic girdle pain,' meaning that the hormones that loosen up the ligaments and tendons to make the pelvic girdle bones roomier for birth are doing their job, only a little too well and a little too soon. It's not perpetual, it mostly occurs when I do things that stretch my legs apart -- like, say, take the big step up into a pick up truck -- which gives me a pretty sharp and stabby pain. The only real treatment is to avoid said stretching apart, so I sit a little more carefully and put pants on a little more carefully.
The good news about this is that the stronger onset of SPD (I'd had it slightly for a while now) is a good indication among others that the baby has "dropped," or at least started to, meaning that it's starting to line itself up into birthing position. This normally happens at 2-4 weeks out for first pregnancies and it's right on time. I've noticed I feel a little less compressed, I can eat a little bit more in a given sitting, I use the bathroom more, and the appearance of my belly has lowered. The midwife confirmed that Acorn's head is pretty low while she was palpating my belly to check for its positioning so she could get a good read on the heartbeat (which is as strong and clear as ever).
Acorn, true to form, squirmed and swirled underneath her hands.

Contents under pressure

At my weekly OB appointment I discovered that I'd gained 3lbs and 3 centimeters...since last week! Let it be understood that it is no coincidence that after one week of my dear husband being home I have gained and grown! As usual, everything else seems to be coming along nicely. I'm not dilating yet or anything like that just yet.
I met the third and final doctor from the practice today and liked her a lot; I'd be happy to have her show up on "labor day." She was easy to talk to and her first name is Elisa, so we could relate on the many permutations of our respective names that we've heard over the years.
In other news, our storage pod arrived yesterday and with half of the contents removed, so far we've only seen damage to one lampshade and everything else seems just as we left it. We steam-cleaned our new apartment's carpets yesterday so today we'll begin the furniture odyssey...it's frustrating to be stuck spectating, but at least Steve has my mom and family members to help this time around!

Baby Shower!

Dig that beautiful cake! On Saturday my mom hosted a baby shower for us and invited future colleagues, quite the variety of friends (some going as far back as 6th grade and some we'd only met months ago), and family. My friend Leslie and Steve's parents George and Sue win the "longest travel distance" award, having come out all the way from California just to be here, and our friend Yook even consented to come up from Brooklyn as a surprise guest for Steve (what party is complete without at least one surprise guest? Or at least that appears to be my family's motto!).

As you can see from this photo (which doesn't show the two strollers, the "exercise jungle," the bouncer, or the car seats we also received), we got a *ton* of things off our registry, which we are so excited about, as well as some really sweet surprises -- apparently we invited a handful of crafty people, so we got two hand-made blankets, and a hand made sweater, hat, and quilt that were just beautiful. We still have a few things left to pick up but the guests were more than generous in helping contribute!
Several guests also brought babies so we got to see the range of development:

In this photo, the boy on the chair is 2 years old, the baby in the bouncer is 3 months old, the baby in Allie's lap is 10 months old, and there was another4 week old baby who slept quietly for its entire stay in the one air-conditioned room (let's hope we're that lucky!). All the babies were really well behaved and happy, giving us some welcome confirmation that we are in for as much fun and love as we are sleepless nights and poopy diapers. Speaking of which, we're going to use cloth diapers, and Allie and Pete were kind enough to give us some lessons in how to use them, so we got a practical education as well (thanks guys!).
These are two very happy campers (shown with our gift-distributing helper):

Thanks again everyone!

Hiccups

I almost forgot: in the last couple weeks I have *finally* noticed Acorn having the hiccups! Suddenly I'll be aware that the usual movement has suddenly become a very rhythmic twitch...twitch...twitch...twitch...and I have to laugh. In fact, when the midwife checked the heartbeat today Acorn had the hiccups right on cue, and she could actually see my belly twitch...twitch...twitch...twitch...if only she could have picked up the sound!

Midwife #1

I am at 36 weeks and officially in my ninth month -- the birth could happen any time now and the baby would be just fine out in the world!
Had my weekly appointment today and met one of three midwives who might be at the delivery - she was very nice. More exciting was the fact that Steve was with me! He has safely arrived in Connecticut. The OB's office is right by the hospital they use for births (literally connected by a walkway) so we took a minute after the appointment to take a quick tour of the OB ward. It wasn't anything fancy but all the rooms are private so that's a plus; it will do just fine.
In other news, I am measuring exactly the same and weigh exactly the same for the third week in a row! I swear I'm going to start growing a 'bump' out my back!

Another week, another doctor

Met the second of three doctors at the OB practice today for my latest visit; yet another very nice man. I measured at 33 cm again and the same weight again and asked him about it, and he said that such plateauing is normal and if I measured 40cm at 40 weeks they'd be very concerned for the baby's size! He said if they were worried they'd order an ultrasound, to which I said, well, the other doctor did just that, but only because he said it couldn't hurt. Too which he replied, nope, it can't hurt. He was very reassuring.
The ultrasound happened 45 minutes later and everything looks great -- Acorn is ~5.9lbs edit: 5 lbs 9oz! Which means (s)he weighs right about average for this stage. The ultrasound tech commented that both the heart and lungs looked great and were pumping away, and that there was plenty of fluid. By her estimation the baby looks totally healthy. She measured the diameter of the skull at 8.6cm, with me silently thinking, okay, no bigger than that; you stay at 8.6 and I'll get to 10 and everyone's happy!
And yes, I avoided learning the gender one last time, so yes, it's still a mystery. 5 more weeks or so and we'll all find out.
Up next week: I meet the first of three midwives at the practice and my husband comes home!

By the way...

...the baby registry is pretty much at 100% complete, so feel free to use it at will. And thank you to a few of you who have seen fit to purchase certain items already -- it's been like Christmas in July!
In related news, we are having one more baby shower on July 24th, and I'm looking forward to it. Mom and I have spent several days coming up with ideas for favors and food. I've unwittingly uncovered a surprise guest or two, I'll be meeting some new colleagues from my upcoming job, and Steve's mom and step-dad will be in attendance too! I'm so excited to see everyone!

The new OB office

Everything went well at my new OB office. I handed them all my old records and they found them to be complete; I got a bunch of education around the hospital they use and their practice; and I got to review some information that I already knew, which I assume they have to tell me just to be safe -- no unpasteurized or raw foods, and what medications are safe, for example. The only frustrating part of this process, in which I'll meet a new MD or Midwife each week right up until 40 weeks (6 people total), is having to retell my story over and over again: actually, I used to live in CT. I moved back here for a job and for family. I just got my MSW which is why we lived in Colorado. My husband is wrapping up a job out West. And so forth. Can't they write that stuff down in their notes too? I already miss having one doctor who knows me fairly well and whose memory is easy to jog, but I understand their system of having me meet everyone so there will be no strangers come delivery day.
One perk with joining the new office, though, is in discussing my weight and how I'm measuring and all that, the MD I met this week decided we should do another ultrasound just to check out how big the baby is and how it's doing. So I get to see Acorn one more time!! I'm bummed that Steve will miss it and I'll have to be stubborn about not learning the gender one more time, but I'm still pleased to see the latest baby images. It'll have been 15 weeks since the last one -- nearly four months -- so it's going to be eye-opening. That will take place after my next appointment next Wednesday. If the images are clear at all, I'll scan them.
Other tidbits: the MD told me that in his experience, tall women don't need c-sections, and that I have "birthing hips." Well, thank you very much! (He may be the only man on earth with the possible exception of my husband who can walk away intact after saying such things to me.) Of course, my mom is tall and still needed a c-section because my brother refused to leave the womb*, but I didn't get into that. He also told me that there is a very high chance that this kid is going to come late, that most first pregnancies go past their due date. I was already prepared for that and am hopeful that in5.5 weeks I'll be able to live with those few extra days.
All in all, I feel good about the new office and confident that things will work out just fine with them.

*My brother was due to be born on July 4th, 1976 -- the bicentennial! Instead, he made his appearance FOUR weeks later on July 29th. They don't allow moms to go over their due date that long any more. It's just mind-boggling to think about!

Not much to update...

...other than that I'm in CT. The road trip proved to be pleasantly uneventful and totally manageable.
I have my first Connecticut OB appointments on Tuesday and Wednesday; the first to check in and transfer records, the second for my 34 week check up. I'll continue weekly after that.
Other than that, it's hot and humid (and right now I don't mind the humidity, as previously stated when complaining about the dry!) and I'm just trying to keep cool and wait for my dear husband to make the journey too.

Latest Bump Photo

34 weeks...6 to go!

Baby Registry

Some of you may have already noticed the new box on the side of the blog that says "baby registry." It's a work in progress but I figured I would finally set one up. My mom arrives back in town on Friday and she, Steve, and I plan to go to a Babies R Us in person on Saturday to actually see and test a few of the products (like cribs and strollers and car seats and so forth) and then update the registry more thoroughly; given time constraints the updating itself might take another week until Mom and I arrive in Connecticut.
In any case, it's there if you want to keep an eye on it!

Big AND small...and probably fuzzy

Everything on our last visit went well, with one oddity: I only gained 1lb over the last four weeks (I should have gained 4lbs) but my belly is measuring a centimeter ahead of schedule! (Interestingly, at this point the number of centimeters you're supposed to measure is exactly the same as the number of weeks you're along; so I should be measuring 32cm at 32 weeks, but was measuring 33cm.) I don't understand how I can eat this much and measure this big while still looking kind of small and not gaining much weight? But it's not a point of concern as far as the OB said, so I'm sticking with that.
Also strange trivia: while waiting to see the doc I read in a magazine that there is a correlation between moderate heart burn in pregnant moms and their babies having full heads of hair. Apparently the hormone that encourages one encourages the other too. Since I am experiencing moderate heart burn, our baby should be born looking nice and fuzzy.
I got my records to bring with me and have already scheduled all my appointments in Connecticut...so now it's just time to move!

Play time has begun

Nearly every morning in one hour increments, I wake up and switch to my other side. I usually feel Acorn adapt to this shift by fidgeting or "playing piano" on the side of my belly that is pressed into the bed.
Today when I rolled over, Steve snuggled up next to me with his hand at the top of my belly. And instead of his/her usual routine, Acorn gently poked and prodded Steve's hand for a good long while.
When it occurred to me how unusual this was for Acorn, I pointed out to Steve that they'd just had their first play session. :)

Event-full

Steve and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary yesterday on June 12; the traditional gift is cotton. I believe we'll be getting a boat-load of that on behalf of Acorn! So instead we spent 8 hours waiting for Packrats to drop off our storage container (they told us between 8am-12pm and got there at 4pm) and then got ourselves a really, really nice dinner at our favorite fine-dining place and treated ourselves to a movie at home. My 31st birthday is on Tuesday the 15th and then the 6-year anniversary of our first date is on Wednesday the 16th. This is always a special week, and we used to joke that we were going to time it so our children were born on the 13th and 14th so Steve could have just one week a year where he had to remember stuff. :)
My last Colorado OB appt will be the 22nd, Mom will fly out around the 25th, Packrats will pick up the storage container on the 27th and Mom and I will start our road trip back East, and then our lease is up on the 30th and Steve will officially 'live' in Laramie, WY until his job is complete. By the 4th of July weekend, all of our residential ties to Colorado will have been cut!

Cool, Calm, and Exhausted

Since I spent an entire post whining about heat, I figured I'd chime in and say it's in the 50s and deliciously cool and rainy right now. I'm wearing a sweatshirt and jeans! Woohoo! Now if it would just stay like this until I leave...
One thing that is clarified by this cool spell we're having, though, is that my fatigue is not purely heat and dehydration related. I am drowsy pretty much all the time these days. I don't know if it's because my sleeping patterns are choppy and shallow and my dreams are vivid or if it's from increasing weight gain or hormones, but I'd say I run at 75% energy at best these days. The most awake I've felt in a while is when Steve and I decided to watch Daybreakers, a suspenseful and gorey vampire flick, last night, and then I was quite alert, until the adrenalin wore off after which I crashed pretty quickly. I'm feeling lucky, though, that the onset of this final-trimester-fatigue occurred after I got done with my school work; dredging up information from my brain right now is an effort!

Results

The OB office called me back with my results today -- I don't have gestational diabetes. Woohoo!! My sugar intake is appropriate! My baby is not going to come out weighing 30 pounds!
But...my iron count was a little low. So I'll be taking an iron supplement on top of the prenatal vitamins.
To tell you the truth, I am not at all surprised to hear this. Back in San Francisco I used to try to give blood at least once a year. For the last four of my five years there, my iron count was always just a smidge too low. I would load up on spinach and red meat but I could never beat the test. (I could never get in the habit of just taking a supplement back then.) So now that my body has extra onus on it, I'm actually kind of pleased to hear that my iron count is just a little too low, rather than a lot.
They want to retest in 8 weeks, which will be once I'm in CT, but I'll make sure the new OB follows up on it. I'll be at 36 weeks and needing all the iron I can get if I'm going to be about to birth a baby!

28 week OB appt

Wednesday morning I went in for my penultimate OB appointment here in Denver. Everything is coming along fine. I'm measuring exactly where I'm supposed to, I'm not swelling or cramping, any contractions are blatantly related to exertion (by which I mean going for walks, which is ridiculous but what can I say) and dissipate with rest, the kid is consistently active, and I gained three pounds since last time. She said if I gain a pound a week for the next 12 weeks I'll be weighing in at the low end of perfectly normal with a total weight gain of 25 pounds; they set the range at 25-35.
The only thing I have left to hear about is the results of the gestational diabetes and anemia tests, which should happen early next week. I'm confident all is well and will update when I find out.
So far, so good.

Heat

I have never, ever been this sensitive to ambient heat, ever, at all. Whoever coined the phrase "bun in the oven" did not choose their words at random. Denver has decided to grace us with 80+ degree weather over the last few days and I find myself cowering in the underground levels of our lair, a cold wet washcloth lasting only minutes on the back of my neck, daydreaming about slurpees and swimming pools (both of which are attainable if I'm willing to brave the heat to get to them). It's also so very dry here, no matter how much water I drink the relief seems to dissipate so quickly that I'm -- dare I say it -- looking forward to the humidity in Connecticut, where at least I won't have to work quite so hard to hydrate.
In a month or so when I write an entire entry about bloating and sweating and frizzing, I'm sure I'll rue those words. But right now, with this wriggling radiator strapped around my belly, a little airborne water sounds just fine to me.

I'll tell you what doesn't suck

This morning Steve woke up before I did and decided to read a few chapters in a book a friend got us entitled " Pregnancy Sucks: For Men." Pithy title aside, it is meant to take the flowery prose out of pregnancy books and replace it with cold hard realism, in this case for dads. Each chapter describes what he can expect to be feeling, what he can expect to be dealing with by virtue of what I'm dealing with, various tips about how to prepare for the baby, and of course what the baby's up to in there month to month. One thing that I like about these books is that pretty much every single one so far has been written by someone (or by a man married to someone) whose pregnancy has been about 75% worse than my own. Such information serves the dual purpose of making me feel good and reminding my husband how easy he really does have it. :)
I don't know WHAT this book did for him -- maybe it was the sheer power of normalizing our situation or helping him feel more prepared or involved or maybe he did see how easy he has it -- but the man came downstairs an hour later and asked me if I wanted a foot rub. Then later he asked me if there was anything he needed to be buying for me, pregnancy-wise. (I did allow him to buy me a new pair of sandals.) He volunteered to go grocery shopping and the first thing he asked me is if we needed any ice cream. When I got home from that stupid walk pale and panting, he filled up a glass of water for me without being asked and then he ran right out and got me that slurpee.
If they sell a book entitled "The First 3 Years of Child-Rearing Sucks: For Men," you know I'll be the first in line to get it!

The stupidest thing I have done so far...

...was decide to walk over to DU and back to pick up a paper. Today. In 90 degree heat. With the dog. While 7 months pregnant.
I had no idea that such a mundane task -- a 20 minute walk -- would devour my body of all energy reserves, to the point where I felt woozy for the last 5 minutes of the walk. We didn't walk far. We didn't walk fast. There was a pleasantly strong breeze for the duration. The terrain was flat. I was wearing a hat. And yet by the time I got back to our block I was practically euphoric with fatigue.
I happened to catch Steve just as he was about to leave for the grocery store. And for only the second time in seven months of pregnancy I asked him to go out and buy me something -- a slurpee. A nice red non-caffeinated slurpee from the 7-11 100 feet from our house, full of ice and coldness and more ice.
He got back with it 5 minutes ago, and it is already 7/8ths gone, and tastes like manna from heaven.
Wow. Lesson learned.

Bump photo part trois

Behold the reverence which the canines bestow upon me!
Also, behold the pregnancy-jeans complete with full-sized "bump panel" (the navy blue fabric gathered at the top of the jeans) which are OH. SO. FLATTERING.
(Aw, it's not the jeans' fault, I am past the point of clothing being terribly flattering these days.)
Please note at the bottom of this post there is a tag labeled "bump." If you click on it you will see the other bump photo posts I've created and can compare and contrast. :)

More fun with gender

According to my supervisor, this chart (mouse over for link) has been accurate for all the people she's known who have been pregnant, with only one exception. It's based on mother's age at the time of birth and the month in which the baby was conceived.
My own evaluation of it has it right for me, my brother, and Pete & Allie's baby Sophia, but not right for Steve...hmmm.
In any case, its prediction (I'll be 31, and we conceived in November) is that Acorn is a girl!

26.5 weeks

Sorry to be MIA since early April; I guess it feels like not a whole lot has changed. Acorn continues to do the can-can pretty much daily, which I'm getting used to and still feel with some amusement. Acorn's strength has clearly increased because Steve has finally been able to feel him/her consistently, at one point even growing wide-eyed when the kid gave him a good, solid, undeniable karate chop. Steve being able to feel it has been one of the more gratifying moments.
I think I mentioned to some of you that at the ultrasound we found out that I have an "anterior placenta," which simply means that instead of attaching to the back wall of my uterus it attached to the front. This doesn't cause any harm, but because the placenta is a cushiony mass of nutrients and tissue, it did make it harder for Steve to feel Acorn moving from the outside, and may have been why it took me a while too. (The placenta should not be confused with the amniotic sac, which is what the baby is actually "in"; the placenta is attached to it but does not itself surround the baby.)
And at one point I was watching tv and was able to see my belly moving from the outside...which to be honest is kind of creepy! We're not talking seeing hand or foot imprints or anything, but it is indeed very odd to have my belly, which is pretty solidly a belly these days*, twitch erratically before my very eyes. I'm still waiting for the dog to notice. :)
In the next week or so I will do the gestational diabetes test, which I'm hopeful will come out negative, and be able to put that concern to rest (or address it, if need be, but after all my caution and concern around sugar, I just want to know).
And then I'll graduate with an MSW and be able to truly focus on my own health, well being, emotions, and planning planning, planning.
And then in late June I will go for my last appointment in Denver at 32 weeks, after which my mom and I will drive the Subaru on over to CT, where I will start new (YAY!!!!) health insurance courtesy of my new employers and will begin going to the OB more frequently for checkups. Steve will hopefully be shortly to follow.
And as of 36 to 37 weeks, this baby can show up any darn time it wants. But no sooner. Y'got that, Acorn??**
Oh but that does remind me, now is about the time in my pregnancy where my body tests out the occasional Braxton-Hicks contraction, and boy are those bizarre. A painless but noticeable tightening of the uterus. I think of them as practice runs for my body, and they are so far easily mitigated by lying down and drinking extra water. I only wish ALL of my impending labor could be as easy!

*I know I'm overdue for more recent belly bump photos. We'll post some soon.
**I am willfully unconcerned about pre-term labor; between my mom and aunt carrying past their due date and a study done on upper-middle class Caucasian women in CT that literally statistically shows they usually go at least a week over their due date, I'm feeling pretty calm and collected.

It's a...baby!

We had the 20 week ultrasound today (a week late, but both we and the OB were on vacation last week) and were successful in our desire to avoid unintentional viewing of any tell-tale parts. No gender news for you!
Highlights:

• Getting to see it again, at all. It seemed huge compared to nine weeks!
• Hands, fingers, feet and toes, all flexing and waving! This time it actually looked like a baby!
  
• At one point s/he literally waved his/her hand at us!
• The bone structure -- the spinal cord in particular was startlingly beautiful, and we could see tibia and fibula and radius and ulna and cranium and ribs...like a little cathedral hidden inside.
• Our OB was able to rule out Trisomy 18, a condition which is so fatal that babies don't survive in the outside world. We couldn't afford the blood test (which was not covered by our insurance, sigh) so it was a relief to have another method to rule it out. She also did not see any indicators of Down's Syndrome, although the absence of visual cues does not rule it out completely.
  

I won't bother to post the print-outs we got because they're nondescript to the untrained eye, and seeing them on a computer screen will only make them even harder to read. Also, the little tyke wouldn't give us a solid profile. Seeing the baby face-on during an ultrasound is VERY odd, because bones read better than flesh, so basically we got the shadowy outline of the shape of the face with the skull clearly defined within it. Like a little zombie baby!

So far there are no indications to the contrary that this baby is healthy, growing appropriately, and will be fully formed and ready to meet the world when the time comes!

One more quick follow up

For those of you who were worried, the back pain which I mentioned in this post in March resolved itself within a week -- it really was just a matter of getting a little more exercise and doing some additional stretching. I've had no more back pain to speak of and while I do get odd aches and pains, nothing persistent, severe, or unusual.

21 weeks...

...means we're past the half-way point. Put on your helmets people, only 19 weeks to go, give or take.

Latest bump photo plus gender gossip

This photo was taken at the Bushiribana ruins in Aruba, and you need to be ready for it, because it is pure, undiluted, unabridged BUMP:

For those of you who take your bump neat.
Also, as far as everyone who decided to share an opinion was concerned, this baby is a boy.
It all started with my mom, Nancy, in February: "If by the second trimester you can still get your pants up over your butt and button them, it's a boy." (21 weeks in and I am still able to wear my jeans, though they are a little pinchy-pinchy right under the bump.)
Aruba did nothing but verify her opinion:
Taxi-driver from airport to hotel: "Girl-babies fight their mothers all the way, they make them really sick and fat all over. You must be carrying a boy."
Waitress at resort restaurant (after making me stand up): "It's a boy. It's pointy."
Divemaster for Steve's first night dive: "They say in Columbia that girl-babies steal their mothers' beauty. (Realizes she's treading VERY dangerous water.) SO you MUST be carrying a boy! (Big smile.)"
When we first found out I was pregnant, Steve and I both had the instinct that it was a girl; so far we have little folk-loric evidence to support the claim except that instinct. Since we have decided to keep the gender a surprise, only time will tell. We have our next ultrasound this Thursday; expect more photos soon!

The emotional process, weeks 13-21

This pregnancy has been mild in most every respect, and I must say I'm aware that this mildness includes my emotions -- I have been pretty much mostly myself.
Mostly.
Only, I cried when I got a B+ in my research class last quarter.
And I cried when Steve stayed out a little later than I expected.
And if I bump into inanimate objects I have a tendency to punch them.
And I am filled with love for Steve like those very first months, only with the familiarity of the last six years making it that much sweeter.
Much like Acorn's thunka-thunking, these peaks of emotion are still very much intermittent, but from the bigger picture they are more frequent and their onset more sudden.
So there you have it -- no pregnancy is a cake walk, but I'm pretty sure I'm walking on cupcakes, which I'm feeling very lucky about.
Feeling lucky is probably my number one emotion since we got that big fat positive 5 months ago.

Morse code for NERD

So the flutterings of many weeks ago were a false alarm -- merely butterflies. About a week and a half ago I felt an odd sensation -- not a muscle spasm, not a butterfly, not a gas bubble or borborygmus -- just like someone took their pinky finger and poked at a muscle. Only from the inside of my uterus. Whoa! These sensations have continued intermittently over the many days that followed, and I can now confidently say Acorn is trying out his/her new limbs. It's very odd and kind of amusing. Steve has even been able to feel it a couple times.
Only, if one ascribes any meaning to the timing of these occurrences, then Acorn is a NERD.
First time I felt it I was playing World of Warcraft, a nerdy online multiplayer game that has turned about 10 million people worldwide into nerds.
A lot of activity while watching A Beautiful Mind, a movie about famous mathematician John Nash.
A lot of activity while watching the X-men Wolverine movie.
And a lot of activity while a family of six sang *terrible* karaoke on Piet's Pier while I waited for Steve to get back from a night dive.
Let's see, computer games + mathematics + a movie based on a comic book + karaoke = NERD.
But was there every any doubt of that? Really?
(Shut up, Fred.)

Bump Photos

What follows below are our first "bump" photos.
Did I say "ours?" Oh yes, yes I did...


First is me, relaxed. Next is me sucking in. No really!

Steve's baby bump. (Lest you fear for his health, Steve is pushing it out for effect.)


Tika's baby bump.

There you have 'em, folks!

The belly stare and the mortification impulse

I walked into my internship yesterday morning and my supervisor exclaimed "you've popped!" Indeed, even though I posted about it a few weeks ago, it still felt like the genuine emergence of my "bump" happened overnight. A few weeks ago I could feel it and sorta see it but if I sucked my stomach in its presence was negotiable; now I can't not feel it and if I suck my stomach in, well, very little happens. (I will take and email photos soon; let me know if you'd like to be on that list.) It's not that it's huge; it's just that it's there.

While it's obvious to me what's going on, I'm starting to get the first onslaught of the "is she or isn't she?" stares. Well, that's not entirely accurate because the first onslaught has been by people who know I'm pregnant, so they're really "is it or isn't it showing?" stares. Women are used to being stared at for a variety of reasons, and I'm no exception, but I have to say the new locale for the stares is taking some adjustment. Women are also trained to be very, very sensitive to perceptions of our weight and if I were not pregnant and caught three or four people trying to discretely stare at my belly despite wide eyes and furrowed brows, I'd be mortified. That mortification impulse is still present with the pregnancy belly, like it or not, and has to be grappled with despite the fact that there's no reason to be even slightly embarrassed about one's belly size. (A note here that really -- really -- no one should be made to be embarrassed about their belly size, no matter its cause, by society or anyone, but let's face it, it happens pervasively.) Having a belly has called into high relief how much I do have that mortification impulse despite my beliefs that no one should have it; just another facet of day to day living of which pregnancy has made me hyper-aware.

What are the other things? How accustomed I'd grown to ignoring hunger and bathroom urges for the sake of convenience, for one. Training myself to eat when I'm hungry -- the moment I'm hungry -- and to use the facilities when I first have even the faintest awareness that I have to go -- has been just that, training. Then there's the infrequency with which I was paying attention to vegetables and protein amounts in my diet until now. There's the absolutely cerebral way I operated before pregnancy, rarely paying attention to the nuances of my physical existence like I do now. I have never before inhabited my body the way I so completely do now.

And lastly, there's the omnipresence of Easter candy in the world -- is Easter over yet? Please?

Steveidarity

Of the many things I must deny myself - alcohol, caffeine, sugar - Steve promised me solidarity on just one: sushi. Tonight I put him to the test: we were going to celebrate his new job and ended up deciding on a Japanese restaurant. We sat there in an environment where we'd eaten sushi and instead ordered things we'd never bothered to before, and lo and behold it was good. It was a trial for Steve, I'm sure, in that unlike me it was the first time he had to deny himself something on behalf of this pregnancy, but to have his solidarity on this one silly thing made me so grateful. And I'm guessing this is just the beginning.

In which I say I deserve a medal...

...because I do. If you know anything about me, then you know that this is a world-record feat deserving of parades and medals:
I have not bought a single box of girl scout cookies
AND
I have not bought a single piece of Easter candy (which has been out since JANUARY).
I usually eat so much of either this time of year that I 1) pass out from sugar shock and/or 2) develop numerous nasty canker sores. We're talking sugar binge extravaganza from February to April.
This year? Not. One. Piece.

That's how much this baby's health (and by extension my own) means to me.

This is not a plea for money...

...I just want to say that my student insurance plan covers pretty much NOTHING about maternity and it sucks. I'm even going to double check that labor is properly covered, because if they won't pay for barely any lab fees, I can only imagine how much they'd like to dodge that cost. And *all* insurance plans available for purchase by an individual in the state of Colorado treat pregnancy as a "pre-existing condition." It's unconscionable.

Party in the front, business in the back

Alright, people, the bump is official. I can still pretty much button pants (thanks especially to the low-rise trend) but it's more of an effort. And while I've had extra padding on my belly for quite some time, now I can feel hard muscle wall behind it. We had our 16 week check up today and she said it's about 3 centimeters below my belly button, which is normal. I also gained 4 pounds, so my campaign to eat more and better is working. It's funny, The Book has me pegged: "You may be feeling some frustration because your normal clothes don't fit but you're still too small for maternity clothes." Yup, that about covers it (or doesn't).
The official presence of the bump happens to coincide with being on my third day of lower back pain. This is very normal in early pregnancy and there's no bleeding or cramping, so nothing to worry about. I finally realized that I'd had to drive instead of walk to classes this week and that meant I got no exercise. I've got two more finals to go (winter quarter ends next week!) and then I hope to build walking into my schedule much more regularly. I know Tika won't object. :) In the meantime I'm keeping an eye on my posture, sleeping on my side with a pillow between my knees, and taking tylenol when necessary.

Putting the 'flutter' in Butterfly

I believe that young master or mistress Acorn Thrasher Butterfly is making his/her presence known. I'm just shy of 15 weeks so it should be just a teensy bit too early for me to feel the babe at play, but twice today I've gotten butterflies in my stomach that were completely unrelated to anything going on around me. I've had the occasional, brief flutter over the last week or so, but nothing I would have really put stock in, until now. Perhaps the Olympics (though winter) are inspiring Acorn to get his/her butterfly stroke on??

Pregnancy Brain

For the uninitiated, "pregnancy brain" refers to the sudden onset of spaciness, forgetfulness, and general lack of organization that occurs when one is pregnant.
Oh, it's real. I thought it would take a few trimesters to kick in. Not so.
Those little details...they slip through the fingers so easily! I had no idea how organized and detail-oriented I was until I stopped being that way, and everyone noticed. My supervisor. Steve. A few of my friends.
Steve looked it up and supposedly it's due to lack of sleep. I've been sleeping really well -- being careful to get no less than 8 hours, aiming more often for 9-10. In fact, 10 seemed to be the perfect number for me to feel good the next day, so I was hitting the sack pretty darn early. A lot.
I think it's just pure distraction. One can't help but have one's thoughts turned either inward, evaluating one's physical sensations and needs, or turned to the future: will the baby be healthy? What gender? What will our lives be like? And so forth.
Whatever the reason, oy! It hit me hard. Perhaps now that I'm getting my energy back it will lighten up a bit as I have more resources to draw from...

Beats, Birds and Breakage

Yesterday began with rousing from a semi-restful snooze on our recently reassembled waterbed. After adjusting to the oddness of having to actually climb out of bed I called in to my soon-to-be former workplace and let them know that I would be taking the morning off to attend an important appointment with E. As usual, their response was bafflingly obtuse and I was left shaking my head in wonderment at how insane this job had nearly made me. We went to the ob-gyn and a few moments later I heard the most stupendously beautiful sound; Acorn's heartbeat. My natural response, "I must record this!", was patiently tolerated by the women in the room.

We returned home, E. took off to her internship and I tried to figure out my daily "mix" of job searching, errands, staring at the wall, messing with the dog, exercising and cooking. I decided to go browsing at a local pawn shop. While they had some tools I had been craving they were really beaten up and missing parts, so I passed and reassured myself that the tools I had were enough. On the way home the Beetle's clutch cable broke. For those readers who don't speak "Gearhead", a clutch cable breaking is one of the least frequent car problems, on the order of once every 150,000 miles. You'll probably wear out your engine before your clutch cable breaks. Since I am overly cautious when it comes to 37- year-old-vehicle maintenance I had picked up a spare clutch cable and accelerator cable a few months back. The cable broke about three blocks from my house, on a slight incline. After pushing the car out of traffic and up a slight rise (note, this is incredibly tiring even at sea-level), I was sitting and gasping for breath when a guy pulled up in his expensive SUV and offered to help. I thanked him and said I could use a tow for a few blocks. He forced an uncomfortable smile and stammered that he didn't have the time, he had to go skiing, and good luck. Ooooookaaaayy.... thanks for stopping, brother. I started the engine, turned the car around manually, coasted down the incline I had just pushed the car up and popped it into first gear, no clutch. Got home without having to stop and sighed with gratitude at my amazingly good bad fortune.

A few hours later as I was fixing the car I heard a great commotion of crow-noise outside. It went on for many minutes so I went to see what the issue was, expecting a bird of prey or dog or similar. I found a crow in a bush in our front yard that seemed very disoriented, unable to fly or even hold on to the bush. Its murder had been making all the noise, and quieted after I came back out to collect the injured bird. Wary of Avian flu and West Nile virus, I kept the crow in an empty trash bin with a lid and contacted animal control. They came by about an our later to pick up the crow who was still alive and very disoriented. The guy reassured me that there was nothing to worry about.

12 weeks, 2 days, and many more to come

Just a quick post to say: we went to the OB today and...heard the heartbeat!! Acorn's heart was 160 beats per minute. We are officially in the less-than-1%-extremely-rare range for miscarriages. Although the ultrasound felt pretty unreal, that heartbeat...that heartbeat was visceral. I felt a little weepy and ended up giggling as the OB patiently held the dopler in place while S. fiddled with his MP3 player (which has a recording feature). S. did get a recording of it, which with any technological savvy, we may be able to post on this blog at some point.
Our little one is a lover and a fighter. Look out world! :)

The emotional process, weeks 3-12

In a nutshell (oh what a delightfully awful pun! Acorn, you're in trouble if you're not a word nerd!), my emotions over this first trimester have been intentionally controlled. As I mentioned in an earlier post, many dear friends have had miscarriages, and the first trimester is the highest risk for that to happen. So when we found out, the emotional clamp came out. I refused to be super excited, or super stressed, or super planny, or super you-name-it-I-was-not. I was not going to get attached to this pregnancy until the pregnancy attached to me.
That doesn't mean that the emotions don't sneak out from time to time; the hormones take away a lot of my say in that. While driving with a car full of family over Christmas, I played a song for them off of my ipod that I liked, and stunned myself by very nearly crying over it (Fireflies, by Owl City, in case you're curious). A few weeks ago, after a very early, very long day at my internship, S. teased me when he got home about lying like a lump on the couch, and I told him in very short and direct terms with absolutely no mischief in my voice just exactly where he could stick it. (Oops. I apologized later, after he acknowledged the insensitivity of the joke and I acknowledged the abrupt swell of my irritation.) Mostly though, it's Cool Hand Luke all day every day.
We have our 12 week appointment on Wednesday, and if they say it's okay to breathe, then I am intentionally unclamping. I'm ready to be excited, a little stressed, a lot more planny. I'm ready for the bump, the first kick, even the heartburn and the back aches, the list of names, deciding whether or not to learn the gender, picking the birthing method, and so on. I'm ready to swallow this experience whole (along with whatever food may be in the vicinity) and to have full emotions to go along with the ever fuller figure. I'm ready!

A note about updates

Last night I was asked why I was not updating daily.
Daily updates? Is anyone that interested?? (Okay, I know the person who asked is!)
While the point of this blog is to keep everyone updated, I do try -- try -- to keep it remotely interesting. So if time passes without comment, it's only because nothing new or significant has come up.
As a graduate student, I might also be up to my eyeballs in school work, though more than likely I'll be more inspired to write on this blog when I have work I don't feel like doing. :)
And lastly...S. may also end up writing some updates on here as well. While obviously it is the natural order of things, it bothers me that pregnancy is so much about mothers and the fathers get little forum for discussion (let's not even launch into non-traditional couples -- other mothers or dual fathers probably have even more to say on the topic!). It bothers me that it's only my name on the account at the OB's office; as a committed couple who have both attended all the appointments, shouldn't it say both of our names? It bothers me that the "father chapter" in The Book basically boils down to "support your woman in every possible way, have the patience of a saint, and make sure to do all the cleaning." Really? Nothing about the emotional process of becoming a dad? Nothing about how to handle helplessness or fear besides holding your woman's hair while she vomits and being tough for her sake?
So this will be an equal opportunity blog, written by the parents of acorn whensoever S. chooses to do so.

News to me

I finally stumbled across something I had not already read in The Book or heard about by word of mouth: sinusitis. According to the RN we had a consultation with a week ago, pregnant women are prone to sinusitis. I had been noticing a runny nose during the day and a stuffed nose at night (I was mouth-breathing so fully my tongue was dessicated every morning) and hearing that it was not just Colorado's ridiculously dry climate was a relief. However, Colorado's dry climate is not helping!
Over the weekend we visited some friends in Seattle and I could not get over how much better I felt -- less thirst, better sleep, some added energy. It made me aware that while pregnancy thirst is common and noticeable, Colorado Pregnancy Thirst is a beast of its own. So on Wednesday I bought the recommended warm mist humidifier and my nights have gotten distinctly more pleasant. I still have to work at drinking as much water as I can stand (I'm a big fan of lemonade these days and am trying out crystal lite to help throw in a little variety) but at least I can keep my mouth closed when I sleep!

First Glimpse

On Tuesday, January 12th, we got to meet Acorn for the first time:

In the second photo I added labels, but you'll need to click the photo to see them:
Acorn is facing upward in the picture, and (s)he's in profile.
So the head is on the left with the face pointing upward, and the little flipper feet are on the right.
The biggest thing for us was seeing the heartbeat. Go baby go!

A note about miscarriages

Four people close to me (and several more who were not, but whom I found out about) have had miscarriages in the last year. Put another way, in the last year I have known more women who have had miscarriages than successful pregnancies. The old statistic was that 20% of women will have miscarriages; now they're surmising that it's more like 40%. Had we not been to the doctor this week who told us our chances were at 3-5% now that we've seen a heartbeat, I probably would not even be writing this blog.
I have two to three more weeks to go before our chances drop down to less than 1%, and I just want to acknowledge that this blog is not intended to tempt fate. Let's call it an act of optimism and hope and leave it at that. And if you happen to be reading this blog and have had a miscarriage, please know how truly sorry I am for your loss.

Why Acorn?

I'd been referring to it as my alien overlord, but that was simply too long to say every time. So we were trying to come up with names. Acorn just came to me one night as I was falling asleep. I murmured it to S., and he murmured back his assent. There you have it.

Food up my nose: Aversions and Cravings

Sadly, this will be a boring post. Acorn has not proven to be a picky eater, nor I a nosy smeller. Aversions: Very general so far. I can't eat rich food (see also: the onset of queasiness brought on by Christmas Eve dinner). I don't like complex-savory things, like chili, to eat or to smell. (Given to whom I am married, I'm lucky that the smell aversion to complex-savory stuff is not too strong, otherwise I'd have to get my own apartment.) I find that really sugary things make me feel hot and bothered -- probably a blood sugar thing -- so I haven't had too many sweets. Gummy bears or angel food cake are about my tolerance limit for sweets right now.
Cravings: first let me say that I have always, always been a highly suggestible person. If I am hungry and I see a ritz cracker commercial, then I want ritz crackers. I smell the scent of burgers as I drive home, I want burgers. And so on. So the random cravings I've had -- hot dogs, lo mein, taco salad -- have mostly been based on something I saw on tv, or smelled a hint of, at some point during the day. I have noticed, however, that when I eat something fresh and good for me -- apples, carrots, salad -- my body sends off endorphin fireworks that make me feel like the healthiest, smartest person on the planet. Apples -- specifically crisp Pink Ladies -- make me feel downright euphoric. My body has made a point of ensuring that I am hormonally rewarded for eating well; it's the easiest time I've ever had of doing so. Interestingly, however, I don't crave apples or the other good foods, I just know how I'll feel after I eat them.
Weirdest moments: Only two so far. One day at the office a large box of crayons started to smell like a scented candle store. It was like having 6 or 7 of them stuffed up my nose (lest you ask, no, I did not have 6 or 7 of them stuffed up my nose at the time). I've been in the same office since with no problem. Apparently that day my olfactory mojo was cranked up. The second: one night I was nibbling on plain American Cheese while in the process of making myself a grilled cheese sandwich. The cheese, for no discernible reason, tasted floral to me. As though someone had said, hmmm, let's add some lavender and rose oils to these three slices, and see if it takes America by storm! It wasn't gross, but I wouldn't be buying stock in floral cheese any time soon.

Weeks 3-9: Signs and Symptoms

If you're wondering why I skipped weeks one and two, re-read the last part of the previous post. I wasn't technically pregnant during weeks one and two, they just count them for the fun of it; they're freebies.
Because I had the flu super-imposed over the pregnancy for the first couple of weeks of actually being pregnant, I noticed nothing out of the ordinary. Any fatigue I felt I attributed to the illness. Any bloating or light cramping I felt I attributed to regular womanly issues. I was drinking so much water to stay hydrated that I would have been surprised had I not been using the bathroom more frequently. My candle was burning at both ends, and I had no idea.
After I got that big fat positive, I started to see that the fatigue, bloating, slight cramping, and bathroom frequency were not going to disappear. I was actually reassured by the cramping -- it wasn't painful, it was just a constant reminder that 'stuff' was happening. Stuff!!
S. and I read up on what to expect in The Book, and I saw that in just a few weeks time, I could anticipate good ol' morning sickness. Mo' Sick was my biggest fear about pregnancy -- seriously. I can take soreness, aching, itching, sharp pain, you name it, but slap on a little nausea and I am Miserable. I'd had one close friend who'd recently had an absolutely horrible time of it, vomiting so much she had to have an IV and lost 10 pounds.
And of course, the expected onset of mo'sick at 6 weeks was the very day we were going to be flying to NYC for Christmas vacation with my family in CT.
Fortunately, mo'sick did not start then. I had rice cakes ready to go. We'd read in the book that small, frequent snacks were better to have than big meals, and that having something bland to eat by your bedside would help with the early morning ravages. We were ready.
What finally kicked it in was two very rich, very intense dinners in a row -- I have my mom's husband to thank for that. By night two -- Christmas Eve, naturally -- I had foghorns going off in my belly. Warning! Rocks ahead! Rocks that weigh 1,000 lbs, camping out in your belly! Yoohoo! For the first time in my life, I didn't go to Christmas Eve service with my step-father; I ate some ginger chews, crawled into bed, and slept. I made it through with minimal suffering.
The next morning brought a sensation most of you are probably familiar with: my metabolism woke up before I did, and I was so hungry I was downright queasy. Since I was familiar with the feeling, I went downstairs and ate something, and it was easily relieved.
Only, then it came back an hour later. So I ate something, and it left. Then it came back again.
And that's how it's been for me, and let me tell you, I have been unbelievably lucky. I eat a little bit of food all day long and I'm good. Only twice have I had a fluttery-nauseous feeling, and both times I ate something or drank water and it went away. Usually it's just the high-acid quease which I can manage. I have been super vigilant about getting a lot of sleep too, which helps.
Sitting here typing at nearly 10 weeks I will say though, with full gratitude for the easy hand I've been dealt, that I am looking forward to 12-13 weeks when this feeling should subside. Manageable though it is, the high-acid quease keeps me on edge.
The only other major symptom? Thirst. Oh, the thirst. Living in Colorado's high and dry atmosphere does not help. I drink and drink and drink, until I am sick of water, and then I drink some more. I remember days when I drank caffeine in the morning and alcohol at night and I was thirsty, but that made sense. And still, the thirst was not like this!

Euphimisms abound!

Let's catch everyone up to the present, shall we?
2009: S. and I talk about when we're ready to start 'trying.' We also try not to repeatedly stutter about how old we're starting to feel, and how old we're going to be as parents, and oh, the aging!
September 2009: 'Trying' leads to 'doing.'
October 2009: 'Doing' turns out to be just 'trying.'
November 2009: 'Trying' again leads to 'doing' which turns into 'achieving,' unbeknownst to us.
At this point, I leave for a few days in Williamsburg for Thanksgiving, pretty sure that nothing's been 'achieved.' On the flight back I catch a nasty bug -- the flu or just some upper respiratory disaster.
I spend the next full week with a fever of 101 and a steadily worsening cough, and two doctors visits later, a prescription for azithromycin and cough syrup with hydrocodone. During the second doctor's visit I have the presence of mind to warn them that I might be pregnant, so we do a urine and a blood test with negative results.
December 2009: I go back to my internship the next week, still coughing (that cough would last for almost a month) and easily fatigued but determined to get in my hours. I spend the week in a well-intentioned haze of hydrocodone and social work. During the week, I notice that 'something' is missing, but think the flu and the work might just be making me late. When 'something' is still missing by the end of the week, I take an at home pregnancy test. I'm confident that taking this test will confirm the negative results I already got a week ago, and that my mind-body connection will kick in and 'something' will know to show up.
Friday, December 11th, 2009: I blink, and blink again. Which one is the control window? They both have lines in them! Wait...
...I won't lie, my first response was a series of f-bombs, because I had just taken those flu medicines. I run upstairs to my laptop, google them both, and note that they're both relatively cleared for pregnant women. Then I sit quietly in shock. Then I think about how to tell S., who will be home from work shortly. Must...be...clever...
...cleverness fails me. I take the positive test and put it front and center in the fridge. When S. gets home, I tell him I have a surprise for him in the fridge. (BRILLIANT!! No? No.) To my satisfaction, his eyes scan the fridge for a full 60 seconds (looking for Scotch, or cake, or something) and then finally he spots it.
Protestations, salutations, and celebrations ensue.
We learn from the book we use that the full 40 weeks of a pregnancy are counted to include the two weeks before conception (i.e. from the date of the last period) since most people don't know exactly when they conceived. By that measure, I am a little over 4 weeks along.
Monday December 14, 2009: I go back to the health center, and the urine and blood tests both show up positive. The same doctor who was there for the first tests comes in to the patient room wide-eyed and worried, until she realizes that I am, in fact, happy, and that this was intentional. She gives me a referral to a great OBGYN office and I go on my merry way.

Welcome to a creative venture about a creative venture

At close to 10 weeks of pregnancy, I'm feeling just this side of comfortable enough to start blogging about the process. Hope you're feeling just this side of comfortable enough to read about it.